Edited//

I think some of you have mistaken my point in this blog post, or rather I did not made it clear myself because I've been receiving so many feedback from many people regarding this.

I didn't hope, or expect anything at the first place. Like I said, I stood by what I said : As long he treats me well. But because he told me that there was a parcel coming, and he sounded as if he was confident enough that that something inside is great enough to change my mind on the breakup. Well, if he made it sound so great...was it wrong for me to hope? Or expect something great?

I don't think so.

But anyways, I've apologised to him because I felt that it was my fault in the whole arguement.

End//


Hi. I'm blogging, and that's bad news.
Because I only blog when I'm sad.

Yes, I'm sad.

Am I materialistic or demanding?

Sigh, you judge.

I have always wanted a Victorian styled locket necklace that can be opened and pictures can be put in. I've always wanted a locket to put a picture of him and I. Something that I would wear always because it would remind me of him...

I remember there was one time that I went to the mall, and I pointed to him in the shop and told him I've always wanted a locket necklace.

For his birthday, I gave him a ZARA coat, a bottle of cologne, and a bracelet amounting to almost over RM1k. But I didn't mind....I knew he had always wanted that Zara coat, I knew he needed a cologne since his finished, and I thought he might need a new bracelet since his wooden one broke. He didn't had to point out what he wanted or what he needed like I did to him for the locket necklace. I just observed. How come I remembered all this...? And he didn't?

A few days before my birthday, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted to tell him that i wanted a Victorian styled locket necklace.....but i didn't. Because i felt that if i told him, there wouldn't be any more meaning behind that locket. So what's the point? But I told him that I've told him before what I've always wanted...and he said that he couldn't remember. Then, I said "Never mind, as long as you treat me well, I'll be satisfied and that would be the best birthday gift that you can ever give". Which is true, because all this while, all i ever wanted from him is his love and treatment that i deserve.

So I waited and waited. He really didn't got me anything, which I didn't mind, because it was I at the first place that told him I didn't want anything from him than his love. Then a day after my birthday, I received a birthday card from him. Even it was just a card, I was very happy, VERY happy, because at least he did send something in the end. The words inside were meaningful even though it was just a few sentence long. I put the card in my working bag, so whenever I miss him, I will look at that card.

Then, one day we fought and was at the edge of breaking up. Then he told me that I should expect a package soon...and when I receive that package I should decide whether or not I would like to stay in this relationship.

I thought it was a birthday package, which made me even more thrilled than ever. I was immensely happy because my boyfriend isn't such a stone after all, that even though i told him not to buy anything for me, he still did and i was so grateful then. And that he told me that I should decide whether or not I would like to stay in that relationship after receiving the package made me thought that whatever that's in that package was so great that gave him the confidence to say that. Hence, my hopes were as high as the sky could be, thinking probably he finally remembered what I wanted all this while, or maybe something as equally as good.

Then yesterday.....I received the package. When I first hold it, it was as light as a feather. My hopes came crushing down like jumping off KLCC. Sigh. I didn't even wanted to open it anymore, just felt like throwing it away.....but I still continue opening it with my aching heart to only find out that what's inside was not what I've imagined or hoped it would be.

It was clothes for MoMo. From the same shop that he first got me a present from. My first present from him...Momo.

I thought it would probably be a necklace, a bracelet, anything...but that.

I didn't mind that he got that for me. Or for Momo, to be exact.

It's just that i had my hopes so high up, and to be let down that way. Such a disappointment. I cried to sleep last night, and I'm still crying. Opening that package in the car totally ruined my mood straight away, I just went to bed as soon as I got home after thanking him for the package.

You might think I'm stupid for crying, but I just don't like being let down. Why did he had to make it sound as if it was my birthday gift? I HATE BEING DISAPPOINTED! Do you when was that parcel sent? On my birthday. He had the thought to buy that clothes for Momo, but when he was shopping, didn't he had the thought to buy for me something as well?

Yes, I know that in life, there's always give and take, and we shouldn't weigh how much we give and how much we get back in return. But all this while, he has never gotten me anything at all. NOTHING. Only momo. And that was only because he feel obliged to get me one, cause I gave him his Christmas present first. And I? I've gotten him so many things that I've lost count and I've not looked at the price tag at all when i buy things for him. And I thought that maybe this one birthday, he would get me something.......maybe, I shouldn't have hope. I really shouldn't. Then I wouldn't feel this crap.

I really wish now that I didn't receive that parcel at the first place, or him telling me that there was a parcel coming, or probably if he gave me that parcel only when i returned to UK. Then probably I wouldn't have had my hopes high, and not let down like that.

Sigh, how hard is it to get a girl a present? Necklace, bracelet, ring, clothes, bags, lingerie, anything, we wear every single thing there is in this world!

I feel like crap. Seriously.
I feel like taking a day off, because I can't stop crying.

All girls wants to be pampered, every girl likes receiving presents/surprises from her boyfriend. Don't you?

How come I don't get that kind of privilege?
Was it wrong for me to had my hopes high that there was something good in that package because he made it sound as if it was meant as my birthday present?
Was it wrong for me to actually HOPE that my boyfriend would have gotten me something even though I said there was no need for it?

So, am I materialistic or demanding?

Sigh. He's the worst boyfriend ever to have. And why do I still love him?
I just want to go home and cry to sleep again.