I accidentally hit my belly ring yesterday.
And the skin around it is so red and flaking now. Look like it was gonna bleed if I had hit it harder. :(

I hope it doesn't get infected.

Hi. I'm Carmen, do you still remember me?
I actually wondered, does anyone actually reads my blog?
But it doesn't really matter who reads it, because my blog is just a place for me to talk to myself. Yes, I'm lonely and I don't have friends. Sigh.


My final exams started on Tuesday, so far so good. I am planning to get 1st degree honor, so I could break the news of navel piercing and Eric to my parents. Good results is good enough to prove I AM studying here, no?

I was so stressed out yesterday for today's paper : Introduction to Probability and Statistic that I even cried.
But it turned out to be okay, I feel.....relieved.
Well, two more to go. Calculus, tomorrow and Linear Algebra on the following Tuesday.

Can't wait for summer. So many plans. And yes, home. Home sweet home finally.


On some other irrelevant topic, did you ever cried before because of friends?
The last time I remember crying because of friends when I was 14-15 ish. I can't remember exactly when, but it was because everyone turned their back to me.
It happened again, on Monday. No, it wasn't because people turned their backs but because of built up frustrations, anger, sadness, mixed of all feelings finally broke loose.

Remember I told you before that it was always four of us? Well, the three guys and I.

One of them (Lets call him A) kept bullying me, as in degrading me and putting me as a laughing stock. But if you know me well enough, you should know that I don't react to such things, I just play along, because as long as I can take it in, I don't feel the need to be angry or frustrated. But, if I DO get angry, I don't really show it, I just cuss the person back, but slowly, it just builds up.

One of my other guy friend said that he wants to see me cry. And I was shocked when he said that, and I asked him why. He said he's impressed and amazed by me on how I could stand all the bullying from the guys.

The thing is, I am always the only girl with a huge group of guys. Like 10 blokes and me alone. And because A always bullies me, and I don't show any reaction to it, all the other guys starts bullying me as well. Yes, it is fun to have a few jokes and stuff, but sometimes, you just need to know where's the borderline.

So, finally I broke into tears on Monday...and it is not the first time A made me cry. I cried last time, and Chin Bin told A not to bully me anymore, and he said okay. But, there was no difference. The bullying still continued.

I was in the library, studying Economics, when one of my HK friends starts shooting me with paper plane. I played along (continued for like 2-3 times). But after a few hours, A started to throw things at me too. And I threw back the paper plane again.

Then, BOTH of them threw it at me the same time!!! And that time I couldn't take it anymore because I was stressed out studying Economics and they two have to disturb me and make me look like a fool in the library getting things thrown at.

So, I got really angry, and I took one of the paper planes and wrote "A, what have I ever done to you? I have never mistreated you before! There's a limit to everything!!" and I threw the paper back at him, "Read it fucker!" and told him "one more time, and we're not friends anymore" and he was still smiling! Then, I left my table....crying. (This is what exam stress does to you)

I was crying so badly on my way out of the library that I had to cover my face. I called Eric and he was upset that I was upset because this isn't the first time anymore. So he asked me to give me the HK guy's number so he could talk to him about it. I refused, because I don't want to ruin the friendship between us. Then I told Eric that if it happens again, then only he can talk to A bout it, but finally I gave the HK guy's number and A's number. Eric called the HK guy and he said "Oh, we're just having fun." I WAS LIKE " WTF! IT IS FUN TO YOU GUYS! NOT TO ME!"

Then, A said sorry to Eric and so did the HK guy but Eric told them to say sorry to me instead.
When I went back to the library, the HK guy saw me and let out a really big sigh and A wasn't there anymore. Nope, he didn't apologize.

I was cooling down and feeling better until before I left the library at 1 am ish. And I saw the paper plane that I wrote on to A. Guess what ELSE was written on it?


And....it made me cry again. Such friends.....who actually still makes fun of you after you cry.
I sent a text to A saying that our friendship is over and asked him to fuck off, then ONLY he apologized through text. Never talked to him ever since.

Am I overreacting? Or am I right...?
But I'm living with him next year, thinking of moving out. But the other guys that I'm living with next year asked me not to leave. Sigh.

Tell me what to do.
Why is there always such people in life.














On a happier note, I saw him yesterday after a really long period of time. I missed him. It was good to sleep in his arms again. :)

A fresh new start.
A new beginning.
Hope this time, there would be only joy and happiness as we grow, no more tears, no more fights.

Eric and I are official now. :)
14th May 2009.

A recent photo of him and I that I got.
(The rest is with him -.-)


Update:Now, this is the most recent one.
He was wearing the outfit I bought for him! :)

I miss you Karmen.

Why can't I stop crying?
My heart feels like it has been crushed, stabbed a million times.
I really miss him.

Just because we're gorgeous.